You better Belieb it

Wed, 30/05/2012 - 16:24 by Peter Meehan Selena Gomez should consider herself lucky, mainly because she has a boyfriend in the shape of Justin Bieber. The man who would be willing to attack photographers for her honour. Oh Selena, you don't know how lucky you are.

Selena probably won't take our word for it, but what about renowned lover of women and mover of legs, Usher? 

Yes, Usher has declared that Justin Bieber is better at the relationships than he, when discussing Bieber's boyfriend abilities to Q Magazine, Usher explained:

"Check it out, in the area of relationships, Justin has actually done a lot better than I did. He doesn't have as many issues. He knows what he wants. 

"What were my issues? Well, maybe me not locking into one relationship. I was a little bit more experimental.

Oh Usher, you cad.

"I've had many women and I understand how to deal with a lot of different ones.

"He understands, this is a woman I'm choosing to deal with and these are the women that are there. But it is complicated, when your reality is a fantasy. Fame is the modern double-edged sword."

Justin Bieber is experiencing this first-hand at the moment, when the very photographers who are trying to take pictures of him to sell for loads of money, are now threatening to sue him.

At least he has Usher, and God. Although, according to Usher, God has played his part and now is time to take a step back:

"God did a great thing placing us in each other's lives. Because there is a world of experience only I can share with him."

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THOSE WERE THE BEST 15 SECONDS OF OUR LIVES

Fri, 01/06/2012 - 11:12 by John Hill Apparently both Justin Timberlake and Usher were present at Justin Bieber's popstar conception (popstar conception), and if MTV is to Bieberlieved (see what we did there?), Timberlake was within a hair's breadth of gaining a controlling stake in the precocious little ratbag before finally being outdone by Usher. Can you imagine how different things could have been if he'd won? How much better?

Oh baby, baby, baby. Unfortunately that's not how things went down yo, and now, instead of a charming crooner with magical feet, we've got a cheeky little sod whose ego is threatening to put even Bono's to shame. Yay! Another, bigger Bono! What more could the world want? Two Sean Penns perhaps? Or how about disposable plates made of dog poo?

Anyway, this story isn't about Bieber's past, but Bieber's present, and in his present he's becoming clumsier and more lethargic as the huge ego we mentioned actually starts to take physical form, pressing on the back of his eyes and blurring his vision to the point where, at a concert last night in Paris, he fell into a glass wall. Yep, that's right, A CELEBRITY FELL OVER AGAIN. CALL THE FUNNY PAPERS (Via TMZ)

"So basically, um, you know

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Leave it to Bieber

Thu, 21/06/2012 - 12:32 by Becca Day-Preston Over the weekend, Justin Bieber was really dead chuffed to receive the Ur Fave Artist award at the Much Music Awards in his native Canada. He then almost instantly gave the award away to a Belieber.

Not because he’s a nice, sweet, share-the-love kinda guy, you understand. It was an accident, because he thought the fan was an awards show official. So, he palmed it off on her to make it easier for him to navigate his way through throngs of misguided, screaming girls. When he realised his mistake, he didn’t just shrug and go

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The Beliebers have got Bielegal

Fri, 13/07/2012 - 14:32 by Peter Meehan Give Justin Bieber a break, after all he's only the second highest earning celebrity under 30 , and now haterz (yes, with a z) are trying to take a huge chunk of that paltry

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Not Baby. Not Baby. Not Baby.

Thu, 19/07/2012 - 09:51 by John Hill A Justin Bieber article we wrote a couple of years ago has become our equivalent of the wall next to the urinals. People come, scrawl 'Justin is a cunt' or 'Stupid little faggot' on it and then leave, happy that they've righted a wrong. 

Which is a bit weird, because if we ever write anything bad about One Direction or The Wanted everyone immediately rushes to their defence. Why are they so different from Justin Bieber? Surely it's a pretty similar audience. Originally we thought it might just have been because he's not as big over here and no-one really cares enough to hate or love him, but that doesn't seem to be the case. We honestly have no idea what's going on. Maybe Bieber fans are just more resilient.

Or perhaps they're just more mature than your average teenage fan. They've simply got no time for all this internet silliness, tomfoolery and dilly-dallying. That Johnson deal won't close itself, IF YOU KNOW WHAT WE MEAN. Business is business, you've got to spend money to make money. Either way, it certainly seems like Justin is more mature these days. Much more mature. 

In fact, he's not just more mature, he's now a real man. Pubes? Check. Girlfriend? Check. Car? Check. Handlers who constantly surround him to make sure he doesn't say anything ridiculous? Check. Yup, he's a man alright. (Via Rolling Stone)

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Is manager Scooter Braun encouraging sexual violence between his clients?

Tue, 28/08/2012 - 07:27 by Tim Chipping We've spent the morning reading an incredibly long but fascinating interview with Scooter Braun, the ridiculously named college dropout who discovered Justin Bieber and is now managing terrible UK boy group The Wanted. Buried in the first few thousand words of The New Yorker's expose is an inexplicably strange and disturbing incident in which the manager appears to encourage the band to punch his multi millionaire protégé in the gonads. We can't wait for this to come out in court in a few years time...

As you'd hope, there are several nuggets of astonishingness in the interview, not least what Braun informed Bieber, at the start of their professional relationship:

"When he was thirteen, I said, 'If you stop singing, if you never dance again, if you never play again, I'm going to be in your life.' "

We don't think it was meant to be the sinister threat it comes across as in print. Or was it?
The magazine also documents a strained and troubling encounter between his young ward and the band who aren't as successful as One Direction, The Wanted, before an interview with Carson Daly:

"Bored, Bieber started a game, playfully jabbing everyone in the crotch with his fist. First, he jabbed at Braun, who, without looking up from the script, dropped his hands to block. Daly did the same. When Bieber jabbed at Siva Kaneswaran, a member of the Wanted, he connected. He called out, 'Got you, bro.' Kaneswaran balled his fist but seemed unsure how to respond. 'I don't want to hurt his pretty face,' he said.

Braun said, 'Just get him in the pretty balls. It's fair game.'

'No, it's not,' Bieber said.

Braun took a firm tone. 'Justin, it is - fair game,' he said. 'You hit him in the balls, fair game.'

Bieber was peeved. 'Where're we going?' he asked. 'Where's my dressing room?'"

We really don't know what to make of that. Bieber refers to his relationship with Braun as being "like a close uncle."  Hmm. We've all had one of those uncles.

Perhaps more revealing is the cold hard business deal the pair have between them, in which Justin receives a whopping cut of the profits from any new Scooter-signed act, in return for pretending he's their best friend:

"When Braun signed Carly Rae Jepsen, he gave Bieber a fifty-per-cent cut. Braun told him, 'We'll be partners. But you're going to do your part, being a loudspeaker: put her on your tour, sing a song with her.' And Bieber obeyed. The homemade video of him horsing around to Jepsen's Call Me Maybe got forty-eight million views and made the song catch fire. Last month, he tweeted to introduce the world to Braun's newest client, Madison Beer, a thirteen-year-old singer who resembles a baby Megan Fox. Within minutes, her name was trending worldwide."

So that's what pop music's like now. Great.

Read the full interview here.

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Stranger things have happened

Wed, 24/10/2012 - 09:55 by John Hill Justin Bieber and Usher are being sued in Michigan by a man claiming to be Selena Gomez' father, who says Bieber used his credit card to buy Viagra while Usher bummed him (not Bieber) with a firework. Now you might think this story sounds a little unlikely, and possibly even untrue, but the attention to detail is astonishing and making it almost certainly legitimate.

Naturally, there's more stuff in the lawsuit that we can't publish here (partly because we haven't seen the whole thing yet), but here are the bits that really caught our eyeballs:

"Bieber has cost me $426.78 and never paid me back. This money was used as abortion money because Justin Bieber got my daughter Selena pregnant in my bedroom, on my canadian bear rug."

"

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